I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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