u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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