What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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