My balls are so social today.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
