I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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