Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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