Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
where am i from again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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