I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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