I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
