evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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