I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
