Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
