Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I would fuck him just for his dog
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
