Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just forgot I was standing up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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