first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize