So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
