I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
