If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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