Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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