Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
