i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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