her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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