She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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