Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize