Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
