My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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