Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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