I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
