In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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