So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
