I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
