At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
