mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
its liver damage thursday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
