I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
