I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
