In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
