I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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