My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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