i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry my hands just texted you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have already put on my inside pants.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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