yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
