You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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