Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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