Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
