i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
