mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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