dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
