i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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