don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
