I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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