Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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