then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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