So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize