I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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