There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
