So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize