i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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