So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
