I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
