I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
