Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
