I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
