I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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