His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
