even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
