his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
