Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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