I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
