it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
