I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
